Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Music, when is enough... enough?

Ok, a pet hate of mine - which isn't really a pet more of an untamed beast that prowls about my sub-conscience - is people who have their car stereos turned to max and drive around so that it drowns out my music. Personally, I don't want to have to turn my music up just to hear it. So to those who are guilty of such a heinous offense, here is a noiseless alternative you can try, it's called 'Slogan Stickers' and it gets the same message across without half the grief for the other people on the road.

Some Slogan Stickers which will be available:
I have bad taste in music!
I envy deaf people!
I spent my child support money on my speakers!


Saturday, November 22, 2008


For the one person who voted that they would ask the dinosaur on a date and later on have its babies... This is for you.

For the rest of you, I can only say have a heart dinosaurs are people too.


Sunday, November 16, 2008


Ever been in the situation where two things that you love have been combined to make something better. Like when someone thought 'Hey, I like tigers and I love lions... So let's make a liger!' or my favourite when you do a poo and fart at time to create the ulitimate of mankinds creations... the shart. It's not often people can advocate the shart as it is highly frowned upon within the public arena, although it has made some excellent shock websites in it's time.

Anyway, why I brought this up was that there has recently been arise to a website which can only be described as awesomness in html or something like that. It's called gigpig, and what is it? it's a website that tranfuses a wonderfully crafted website, vital information about upcoming concerts by all your favourite bands (Where they are playing, the price, and the date). So be sure the check it out. The site is:

It will now be available from the side toolbar ->


Sunday, November 09, 2008

It's good to be free...

The last week -exam week, has been a dozy, to say the least, where everyone has been cramming their brains full of only marginally useful information in whatever way they can. I myself prefer absorbing lectures rectally, the only problem being that whenever anyone tells me I'm talking out of my ass, I have to go to the bathroom and check for leaks.


Thought of the day

Everyone has asked themselves, what is the meaning of life? I mean it's only natural, we are very logical beings, we have a science for everything - including things that we can't even see! So here is my thought, what if there is no logic in life, no meaning. It's just a hub of randomness that culminates in human existance, and all that we can do is hold to our seats and go for the best dam ride of our lifetime. Enjoy it!


Sunday, November 02, 2008

Belated Birthdays

I know that it's late, but still, Happy Birthday Stephanie! And just to spite that guy (you know the one) here is a birthday love poem. Other people avert your eyes less they be burned by the sight of an overly soppy gesture!

Stephanie, you are beautiful as the setting sun.
It is within your eyes that the key to my happiness rests
And as I look into them I realise that I need you.
Tis' said that home is where the heart is,
And if this is true, then my home is by your side.
But on this day of days when I regret that I am not with you,
There is hope my words shall reach your ears
And embrace you in the long, loving hug
That I so wish to give.

So on this day,
There is little more to say,
Then Happy Birthday.

I love you Steph.

Sorry everyone else! But it had to be done....

Friday, October 31, 2008


Hey guys,My uni group has just completed Skeletune a 3rd person puzzle adventure game.
Try it out below, be warned it's 130mbs.

Edit: you'll also need the file below.


Thursday, October 30, 2008

Go Steph, It's Your Birthday, Almost

George Bush, a president or a clown, one has to wonder how the United States ever got to be a super power after they've voted for this man, twice. Have a look at this and you'll understand my point of view.

A couple of my favourites, "I know the human being and fish can co-exist peacefully" and "It will take time to restore chaos" What a funny guy, they should make a cartoon about him - 'The Family Bush,' 'American George,' it could totally work. Anyway I need to get back to work, trying to get a high distinction here!


Monday, October 20, 2008

Before I Go

I just wanted to post this up, because it is pretty awesome. Steph, drew it. Well done baby!


Another Post?!

Alright, so recently I've been watching Bleach lately. Which of course is a Japanese animation, so in this post I'm going to be talking about two of my favourite things anime and boobs. If you've seen any type of anime you'll notice one thing, how big the girls breasts are... We are talking about G-cups here.

Now, what I want to know is why every Anime girl (minus a few) has large and tasty breasts, while the Asian stereotype is that they all have small breasts? Let's hypothesize for a second and say that it is because they draw white girls.... Then why the hell are their names still Japanese! OK, continuing on, if you've seen this show you'll know that the main character has the hots for Rukia, the girl with the smallest breasts on the show. What on earth? Wh
en, if ever, has a guy had a choice between big and small, he has chosen small?

Last thing, while I was searching the net for that picture I came across this:




Ok, so before I begin, here are three videos from the youtube heroes Barats and Baretta. You've probably heard me quoting them a bit, so I thought I'd inform you all.

Sunday, October 12, 2008

Ten Things I Adore About Nathaniel

1. I adore your assholishness it makes me smile while you make other people cry with your overly racial stereotypes and your jibber jabber like a jive turkey.
2. I adore the way you always wear shorts so that everyone can revel in awe at your hairy legs.
3. I adore your kempt but at the same time unkempt hair, it makes me wonder how long you spend making it that bad.
4. I adore your mustache which seems to stop in the middle, a polar mustache, it is great though.
5. I adore how you use the word 'prawn' as a means of saying owned, it gives me a whole new meaning to crustaceans.
6. Steph says she adores your showy socks, even though you're not wearing socks, so I have no idea what she's on about...
7. I adore the way that you have the second worst taste in movies, 'Old Boy' was horrible.
8. I adore the way you had that shot in worms perfectly lined up, but then at the last second changed the angle and fired it over your head resulting in you losing.... that was hilarious.
9. I adore the way you keep leaving your stuff at my place, by the way I may have lost your Xbox to TV connection and power cable... they're around somewhere.
10. I adore Steph, I mean Nate, wait no I don't I meant Steph, she's the best I love you baby, fifteen months of ecstasy.


Lest We Forget...

My grand father died this morning. Completely unexpected, even though he was in hospital he was on the mend due to be released next week. Though something happened in surgery and blood would just not stop pouring out of him. At this point, the doctor said, he just looked at her and said "It's time for me to go." Within minutes after, he died.

It came to me in mourning, that we do not choose how to enter this world, but we can choose how we exit, and he choose a beautiful one. It's hard for someone to write something as poetic as that, and yet even in his confused state of mind he did it.

We'll miss you Eric.


Saturday, October 11, 2008

Something borrowed something... not so blue?

Is it just me, but whenever you're walking and there is someone who is walking slower than you but is ahead of you, it always seems that they walk the way you're going when you're trying to over take them? It's happened to me limitless times in the last few weeks, to the point where I just walk straight into the back of the person and say "I'm walking here!"

On that note there is this crazy girl, who runs shoeless up and down this one sidewalk, which just so happens to be one of the busiest sidewalks in Brisbane, she's always bumping into people... She scares me.


Tuesday, October 07, 2008

Gather round...

So, I've been working on this one for a while now, although I'm still not happy with it, I just haven't had time between uni, work, and a number of other commitments that I've been working on. Anyway, hope you enjoy.



It is the only word that could adequately describe my mundane life. Though, that is not to say that it lacks substance, I have plenty of that, three bags full in fact. It’s just that something is missing like an uncompleted puzzle gathering dust in the attic waiting for someone to finally complete it. However, I have a feeling that the day of the long sought after fulfilment is still a fair way away. And so I live my life in emptiness, fake smiles and pseudo laughter, while my insides are eaten alive by the uncontainable void, where true happiness belonged.

“Dane... Wake up Dane!”

“Ughhh” I didn’t mean to groan, but the sound came out as though it was a pre-programmed response to that statement, and I was on cruise control. “Five more minutes”

“You said five more minutes, twenty-five minutes ago”

“Ugggghhhhh” I was going to be late for work, I felt a compression in the bed beside me so I pried one eye open to have a look. And there she was, an angel fallen from heaven staring back at me. Every man has that ideal woman, that woman that they just can’t resist, that woman they put up on the pedestal. She was mine. We’ve been together for fourteen months, and still I get that wave of emotion when I see her, this can only be love.

Her sleek black hair draped over her shoulders, accentuating her perfectly smooth skin, which complemented her stern but gentle face. But the thing that made her stand out, was her eyes, those eyes held mysterious yet to be discovered by humankind, and yet when I looked it made me lost in their mystical abyss.

“You’re beautiful, Daphne” The words slipped from my mouth, she turned to me that smile, a smile that nations would send their strongest to fight and die for, only, they’d have go through me first.

“You always say that”

“I always mean it” I paused, sitting up right, “So what are your illustrious plans for today?”

Tuesday, September 30, 2008

Ego Drop

Well like the markets at the moment, my ego is being murdered, so far it's been hit by a car, shot up by gangsters, fired out of a cannon into a pyramid of week old doughnuts, and worst of all it ate a jar of vegemite. When it rains it pours, right, well it's raining right now in Dave Land, actually it's hailing, with the ice being the size of a fist, and the winds being so hard, that when you walk outside it's like 'god' punching you in every possible spot imagined.

Speaking of god, I've been listening to Modest Mouse recently and came across this song Bukowski, pretty cool song, but why I like it is because of it's jeer at god. The second verse going:

If God controls the land and disease, 
keeps a watchful eye on me, 
If he's really so damn mighty, 
my problem is I can't see, 
well who would wanna be? 
Who would wanna be such a control freak? 
Well who would wanna be? 
Who would wanna be such a control freak

Last post for this month, woo.

Thursday, September 25, 2008


It's a touchy subject, it's so filled with sadness because of the loss of life, but is it really? No one has come back from the dead to tell us, so we have to have guesses and come up with theories. So I'm going to say hell, here's a theory that's been overlooked. What if death is like one giant party, and no one comes back from the dead because they are having such a good time? Like a movie that the dead are so immersed in that no one leaves the cinema for a toilet break.

Stranger things have happened (George W. Bush elected twice?).

Wednesday, September 17, 2008


I like to live life on the edge, for example today I did a poo in a public toilets. Now, you're probably thinking I'm crazy and I don't blame you, however, know that there was no cheek-to-plastic touching. I dropped it like an atomic bomb - which by the way was the mother of all drive-bys, you gangstas should take a lesson. I still got a rebound splash, that's the worst isn't it? When you do a poo to expel a foul piece of excrement and then all it comes right back at you.

Maybe this is where they got the inspiration for that Lord of the Rings scene where the fire balrog falls from the bridge but halfway down throws his whip up and grabs Gandalf - further truth! Remove the letters 'alr' what do you have.... I'm onto you Peter Jackson.


Dog Talk

So I just had a shower at a quarter to twelve and my dog had curled up and was falling asleep when I came in and rudely awoke him. He just gave me that look that said:

"Why can't you just lick yourself quietly?"


Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Life of Evil?

Take this obscure concept, let's assume for a second that the entire world was pure evil. It's not that hard to imagine I bet. Continuing, we're all evil then a hero would be a villain, right? However, someone who is good would then be a renegade, a rebel, a traitor. Well, lets take this concept back into the real world. We're currently in a crisis where good guys are a dying breed, getting shut out of the world by skater dudes and emo/goth types. Just imagine the day will come when not being a stereotype will be considered to be evil.

It's a scary world we live in, no?


Sunday, September 14, 2008

So... Indeed

Today walking back from uni, I had Beethoven's Ode to Joy stuck in my head - I don't know why.  So I just had to ask myself two questions:

"Why is this song stuck in my head?"
"And why am I asking my questions out loud?"


Thursday, September 11, 2008

11 days...

Well, it's been eleven days without a blog so I thought I would writes something:

Yellow frog cheese munchers

Ok, good bye


Just kidding. Anyway, I don't know about you guys but I've been rather busy, it's a tough life being a university student I mean how are you meant to go out drinking when you have to wake up at bloody 6:00! How?! I don't know how, only that  I've done it for like the last two weeks straight. And ugh, it never stops. I have to write my resume too...

Toodle loo

Sunday, August 31, 2008

MsnMsgr.Exe - Corrupt File

To blog or not to blog? That is the question. The answer, TO BLOG! Let us blog our guts out and cover the ground in blood, bones and organs. OK, so maybe not that much, but let us blog a little bit and share our opinions with the world, in the hope that someone reads and goes 'hey, this guy is right' of which I may or not be.

So, this week I got my first real dose of university, I ended up going in everyday of the week working on an assignment. I hope it was worth it, even if we don't get a good mark, I still have some sort of satisfaction in creating the longest document I've been a part of, 60 pages long. Awesome effort, though I am spent, exhausted. I just want to go to sleep for like a week, maybe a month.

Today was river fire and I tell you what, I have not heard so much public swearing in my life. It was disgusting really. Some guy couldn't finish a sentence without the word fuck added in. But the thing is about swearing is that if you use it often enough it loses it's effect, it no longer becomes that potent and people don't really care. So what happens when there comes an occasion where swearing is actually needed, e.g. you slam your hand in the car door. Maybe, they take it to the next level of being fucking fuck? Or maybe they turn into Robin from Batman and say 'Jimmety Jillickers.' We can only hope for sake of humanity that this is the case, personally, I don't want to be sucked into a void where this cursing becomes mandatory and our kids are taught how to swear before they learn not to piss their pants.

Dave out

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

The Olympics

With that aside (read other post) the olympics have been great, alot of good stories coming out. One of my favourites is that 67 year old japanese dressage guy. And something he said will hopefully always stick in my mind, that is:

"You're not old until your regrets replace your dreams"

Great statement, anyway keep it real guys. I'm going to watch more Olympics, go Usain Bolt!

If I had a quarter every time I heard....

Can anyone really screw up the Olympics?
With all the restrictions and political nonsense within China, and Channel 7's coverage. I think they have found a way. Seriously, Channel 7 has had the worst coverage of the Olympics I have ever seen, why? They only seem to cover the swimming, have possibly the most unemotional commentators (and hence boring), advertise the hell out of their crappy breakfast show - which was not as funny as they said, replay the same races over and over again, and only cover Australia and America, and last but not least they use it to promote Today Tonight. Possibly the worst show ever invented by human hands.

Today Tonight, if hell had a t.v show this is what it would be. It's like a bunch of feature articles strewn together in a magical tapestry full of lies and deceit. It is basically a brainwashing program to tell people who they should love, who they should hate, and the reasons for that. And to an extent I think people believe it, which is why I despise it, loathe it to my very core. Not to mention the announcer is a complete bitch.

Anyway, stupid channel 7

P.s. Koche is a faggot as well. ARGH!!!

Monday, August 11, 2008


If you've never seen 'The Garden State' it's about a guy who begins to live his life at the at age of twenty-something. And one of my now all time favourite sayings comes from this movie, where they are talking to this guy (Albert) who lives on the edge of an endless chasm. Just as they are about to leave, the main character (Andrew) turns to him and says:

Andrew Largeman: Hey Albert
Albert: Yeah?
Andrew Largeman: Good luck exploring the infinite abyss.
Albert: Thank you, and Hey, you too

Isn't that just, awesome? Because that's life isn't it? The infinite abyss. The future is so unpredictable, sure we can have plans but whether or not the train sticks to the tracks is another story. So, I wish you guys good luck in exploring the infinite abyss!


Monday, August 04, 2008

What Smells?

Ever bought one of those those things which are meant to make your room smell better, however it wasn't strong enough to get rid of the smell of used socks, wet shoes, and sweaty ball sack. And thought, what's better than these? Well I have your answer, Urinal Cakes! I think my mother has begun to hide one in every room I'm in, am I really that bad - I wonder.


I had the strangely unique idea, What if sperm banks were more like pubs? Only then could we truly coin the terms 'Baby on the Rocks' or 'Ice Ice Baby'. Or what if James Bond walked in "Want a baby sir?" "Yes, shaken not stirred."

Call me immature but I find the whole shaking babies issue hilarious. It just sounds so stupid, mind this was before I realised how serious it was - and we all know how first impressions last, I actually saw a Law & Order SVU about a Baby Shaker and I honestly believed, for the first 3/4 of the episode, that they tried to make a sit com of Law & Order.

Tuesday, July 29, 2008

Something or rather, something else...

This is a little something something which I concocted up while reading a argument between two illiterate douchebags on world of warcraft. Anyway, I thought I'd post a pic of me so you know who wrote this, and so you would read in disbelief, I know I would. Enjoy.

It’s often said through life that material things don’t matter, money, fame, fortune, these things never make one happy, never satisfy the soul. The only thing that does matter is love - the love of a good woman can fill bottomless chasms of the heart, it can give warmth to the people in the most remote and desolate ice fields, and more importantly it can find those who have lost themselves. It is life itself, think back through the ages how many battles have been fought, how many lives have been lost to such a cause as love. Surely, it is something truly to behold if people are willing to die for it.

It is these thoughts that omitted themselves from my mind as I stared into her eyes. Deep brown, they looked back at me, and that’s how we were. We must have sat there for at least twenty minutes, but for us time stood still, as if nothing else mattered apart from those eyes. Was this love? I couldn’t say, never before have I felt so attracted to another human being, these were unfamiliar waters that I was in. Waters in which I would have surely drowned, had it not been for her, this girl who sat before me.

To be continued... maybe.

Monday, July 28, 2008

It's that cold...

Just before, I actually was considering urinating on my hands.... On the train. It's that cold.

Brown Bagging It

It's funny, sometimes, the age gap between generations. Like how, for example, my grandad called his dog 'Skeeter.' While this may seem pointless to some, the term skeet, is African American (or Black Person - since all African Americans arn't black, and it's a stupid term) slang for when a man pulls his phallus out of the womans vagina before he ejaculates. So yes, sometimes, I do burst out laughing when my grandad walks around going "Skeet, skeet, skeet, skeet."

That's my dirty talk for today done... or is it? I like that turn of phrase 'or is it?' in any way shape or form, it can be used to make anything seem so much more mysterious than it actually is. Take these example:
I have a two dogs... or do I?
I had scrambled eggs today.... or did I?
You are reading this sentence right now... or are you?
Yay for words!

I've been wanting to write something lately, but just haven't been able to think about anything neat that I want to write about. Which is kind of annoying, if you know the feeling, if not imagine it's christmas tomorrow, but today never ends.

Anyway I'm out... or am I?
Random Letter: The Letter Y

Thursday, July 24, 2008

Well it's about time

It's been a while since you've all last seen this unfamiliar ink sprawled accross this blog, and while I cannot really justify this brief indiscrete lack of involvement upon this particular website, although for the last two weeks I have been in perth with Steph(anie). However, it is true that my lust for writing a weekly humourous, sometimes humourless, anecdote is diminishing. Replaced instead by playing with the dull, monotonous, and yet strangely addicting video games. The worst part of it all, is that it's diluting my vocabulary, it's as though you're still in the kiddy pool of words when you're meant to be scuba diving.

Lately, I've been reading Sherlock Holmes, which you may deduct is why I am writing 'funny'. However, it seems I can't help but to be drawn into this character, this detective. It's like I want to be a superhero, but since I can't - well, not at the moment.... Maybe, I can be Apathy Man. - I've been bewildered by this sense of righteous awesomeness and how something inside of me wants to be apart of these escapades. It takes a hold of me, some sort of super hero subconcious, and I couldn't contain it whilst watching 'The Dark Knight'. I thought it was my duty to stand up amid the theatre and yell that Harvey Dent was Two Face, even though they had already revealed this.

My apologies to anyone who finds this blog dull and rather lack luster, it's been a long while since I've scribbled pen to paper. It's good to be back, and yet it sucks to be back.

I hope to write more soon
Random Word: Wanton

Wednesday, June 25, 2008

Well Hello

Well it's getting about that time, there are (not including today) 9 days remaining before I fly out to Perth and then unleash a fury of tickles upon my girlfriend, good thing she has no internet as I'm sure she'd probably kick me to the curb if she even read that...Anyway, she's been on my mind alot lately, well more than normal, I guess it comes with having a girlfriend. Although, it was no where in the fine writing. What a treacherous life we live.

In other news, I'm kind of excited about, I'm going to start reading the adventures of Sherlock Holmes. Mmmm the sweet literary taste of the 1980's, when it comes to reading I don't like to strike out much more stay conservative with what I know. However, I have been itching to get my hands on some Holmes after reading the hit T.V. show House was actually a homage to it. House, Holmes, Mouse, Bones, Rouse, Romes? Ok I last it on that last one.

So lately I've been having these awesome dreams, where humanity gets killed off by these flesh eating machine insects. Then I wake up to the sad reality that nobodies dead.... Just kidding I love humans, just not you. Ok, I'll bend, I like you a little, but don't go around telling people - that just isn't cool.

Anyway back to the solid grind called life, hoping these 9 days would fly by already.
Random Drink: Coke

Wednesday, June 18, 2008

For Andrew

OK, so no more university (for now) meaning no more excuses, well apart from this abomination called work. And well more importantly is that to make up for the lack of entries this blog will be somewhat of a MEGABLOG a wall of massively, hopefully, hilarious text that will reach out and rip eyeballs from their sockets, then sprinkle them with sugar before serving them to Hilary Clinton for lunch. If you think that's a bad thing, well, you're wrong.

So to get this great Indiana Jones Boulder sized ball of text rolling, I went to the wrestling last night - not the smartest thing in the world when you have to go to work the next day. However, it was worth it. I think everyone has seen wrestling on T.V. and hopefully realized just how fake it is, well, when you see it live it's even more phony (Woah! big claim, but it is). Not only that, but you realize it before you even see the first fight, just the way they call these guys 'Artists' and not wrestlers. Probably the only art form where you cut yourself and people cheer...

Anyway, at one point of the night, and one of my favourites, was the 'wrestler' Edge came out and the crowd roared out this "Edge is a wanker" chant. Which lasted for about a minute, and after it settled down Edge had a few things to say.
Although it doesn't show all of it, Edge went around verbally abusing people calling them wankers, it was great. I let him have it too, I went all Australian on him and called him a 'Bloody Flamin Drongo' cop that Edge.

On the topic of wrestling there was one fight where they were making fun of this guy because he made a gay innuendo (in your end oh!) and I must of been the only one in the crowd who got the irony of a guy in a skin tight body suit pretending to fight calling someone else gay... Maybe I am weird.

Speaking of Irony, now that I have a girlfriend who can vouch for my sexuality, I can announce that I am a bit of a fan of Ben Lee (He's actually not that bad) and after to listening to his not-so-new song Numb. I finally got one of his jokes, as a line goes "Ironically I caught a disease." And I've always thought there was nothing ironic about that, until yesterday - making folders allows the mind to expand - when I remembered his old hit "Catch My Disease." Ha ha Ben Lee Ha ha.

let's take a short intermission


Back into it, now I've been saving this one for a while. The Super 14 season now being over, I looked back and reminisced about all the crappy ads they played over and over on the big screen. Especially after one team would score a try, kick the conversion, and up would come "This conversion was proudly brought to you by Coca Cola, Drink Responsibly" (Guess which part I added) so cocky of them, as if they knew that they would kick that conversion. Probably got some psychic working for them full time.

Though apart from that, it made me wonder - What if all areas of our lives were overly commercialised?
This turd was brought to you by Pine-O Clean. Give your shit a refreshing smell today!
This glass of water was brought to you by Gatorade because H2O sucks.
This sex dream was brought to you by Kevin Rudd, Vote Labour!

Since it was suggested here it is:
There is nothing remotely funny about drop bears.
Unless of course you try to rap about them:
When wondering the Aussie Outback beware
Coming from the trees are the bloody drop bears
Where do they come from where do they go?
I'm just another ignorant mofo so I say who cares
But you know what's the worst, and just can't be beat
A hairy beast that stands at two feet
All clad in black with a samurai sword
It's a ninja koala.

That is the end of the funny stuff, I hope you enjoyed it, now I'm just got to get some stuff my hairless chest, feel free to read on, but won't be as entertaining. Firstly, it's 17 days to go before my trip to Perth to see the most beautiful girl in the world, aka Steph. However, things have taken a turn for the worse lately, you see, she just moved house and now has no Internet connection. Now, this is a MASSIVE blow to the relationship, because we can't talk as much as we want. We've gone from talking every night to talking once every three nights or something, it's a hard thing to do, and to be honest I'm starting to feel like a stranger to her again. It hurts.

That's me done
Random spelling of Random: Ranndome

Tuesday, June 03, 2008

Something About Nothing

Hey, hey you, yeah you. Whatcha doing reading this? huh?


So for starters, if there is anyone still reading this then let me apologize, I've been bogged down with so many university assignments. It's crazy, C R A Z Y - and that kids is how you spell Uncle Toby. Ohhhh, don't be a playing with Uncle Toby he'll mess you right up.

Wow, I'm in a playful mood writing this - must be because I'm really only procrastinating (I'm meant to be doing an assignment). So let's get serious for a moment, Love & Romance, that should of scared the guys away so lets talk about Thrush. I'm just kidding, I hate that advertisement too. But really, the weather in Brisbane has been so cold and rainy lately I'm beginning to feel that this is Vancouver, and to be honest it kind of scares me. Well more so umbrellas scare me. Weird, maybe, but when you're walking around and someone comes within centimeters of poking your eyes out with one of those bad boys and you don't flinch. Then come back to me and tell me I'm weird.

On the topic of umbrellas two things need to mentioned. One, be considerate and don't walk slow so the people behind you without the umbrella get drenched (you know who you are random person number #2056). Secondly, you don't run with an umbrella... You're not getting wet so why are you running!

Ok I'm done
See ya wouldn't want to be ya, not that I don't want to be you... Just I like me.

Sunday, May 25, 2008


First off let me apologize to you guys if you did at all read that last post, which I were you I probably wouldn't have, then again I'm one lazy son of a bitch - Minus the bitch part, I have a lovely mother. (awwww)

Anywhos uni is really bogging me down, in fact let's say that the entire educational system is bogging me down. I don't get it, you learn about one thing, forget about it, and then learn about the next thing. There is no knowledge retention, I spent 4 years learning japanese -now all I can say is hello my name is David! Wow that'll be a real life saver, they catch me for trafficing drugs in japan. My defence: Hello my name is David!

But in all serious I don't see the point and wish I could skip uni and start on my career already the whole charade of going to university is starting to wear thin. I really don't think half of the stuff we are learning is relevant to the games industry, and then once I get into the industry finally I'll have to learn some other stuff all over again. Ugh..... Anywhos it's 2am and I'm still up... WHY!!!!!

Ciao babies
Random Team in the Super 14 final: Waratahs!

Wednesday, May 21, 2008

A Rage Post

I need to get out of this shit... Seriously everyone is jumping on my back lately for no reason what-so-ever. I'm getting sick of it really, and you know who is the biggest offender, my brother. I don't know what his deal is but the guy has more mood swings then a teenage actress and I got to put up with his shit constantly. For those of you who think I'm being rough, or unfair, let me paint you a picture.

First scene: Paul helps me to do my assignment, that's all well and good because frankly without his help I would of been fucked. Anyway, after that we drank MY rum, and then I bought us some doughnuts.

Second scene: Continuing my generosity, I made him mac and cheese (the supreme ruler of pasta), mind you he did buy it. After it was done cooking, I brought it to him in his room, so here I am with two bowls of scolding hot cheesy mac and he just looks and me. "Where is the tomato sauce? I can't have macoroni without tomato sauce" Who the hell is he? Chef Ramsey "WHAT IS THIS SHIT! ARE YOU TRYING TO MAKE ME SICK, EATING THIS SHIT WITHOUT KETCHUP!" Then he gets all bent out of shape about how I don't appreciate his help? I mean with the exception of our good friend Gordon, who else would get mad about macoroni and cheese without tomatoe sauce.

Third scene: He comes upstairs all nice and friendly and watches the state of origin on MY t.v. and goes down at half time because he is tired. I go downstairs about two hours later to get a little snack and tell him the scores. I knock on the door, because he is the mighty gate keeper of his room and none but he can allow/disallow access. And I knock, because I'm being courteous and mannered, and he retorts that knock with a loud obnoxious "WHAT!" so he was obviously up to something, use your imagination, so I said "Forget about it." Went off to get my food.

....Five minutes later he comes out asking what I wanted, I told him I didn't want to talk anymore, and then he get's all wacked out about it and he brings up the same shit again. "This is how you show your generosity, after I help you out on your assignment." Dude, I just don't want to talk with you anymore, it's not that big of a deal... And then he calls me selfish because I don't want to talk to him.

Ok, let's talk about selfish:
Selfish is not buying your girlfriend 50 dollar flowers and buying yourself yet another xbox 360 game.
Selfish is drinking your brothers beers without asking
Selfish is wearing other peoples socks
Selfish is only wanting to talk about your shit
Selfish is having your xbox 360 and tv in your bedroom
Selfish is when you have a cry about every little fucking thing that goes wrong.
I could go on...

Fourth scene: On my 21st I had a shindig, where we got drunk, watched rugby, and had pizza: a reals guys night. For supplies I bought a carton of beer and a bottle of rum (the rum we were drinking before) and I was willing to shout people if they brought their own and they asked, or I asked them. Not any of these requirements were filled where my brother is concerned. So yeah, I love how in times of arguments he conviniently forgets what I've done, e.g. like buying our parents birthday/christmas presents.

So if he reads this and I hope he does. Fuck you, you fucking asshole.

Love Dave.
Random Something: Something

Tuesday, May 13, 2008

The Aftermath

A picture says a thousand words, so this one should explain my saturday night.
It was a good night, so thanks to everyone who came. It has to be one of the best birthdays I've had in a while, if not ever. I got lots of cool presents; Mario Kart Wii, Killer 7, Leather Jacket (that's actually not a game, in case you're wondering), a trip to perth, a bottle of very seductive Cologne, a good luck charm bracelet, a Scarf, and TWO HUNDRED DOLLARS!!!!! Which isn't really that big of a deal since it was originally my two hundred dollars, it's just been returned to me. Yay.

Anyway it's coming down to the business end of semester where all the scholars sharpen their many pencils in nervous anxiety of results and other such assessmenty things. I myself am taking a far more relaxed approach, armed with a beer and pack of potatoe chips I'll head into the exam room with my legendary weapon, hope.

Wish me all the best, you guys too.
Random Assessment Piece: Game Design Journal :'(

Sunday, May 11, 2008

Whose the Birthday Boy?

Happy 21st baby!
I promise I'll be there for next year's celebration..
Hope you had a great night of fun and drunkenness.

Random thing I'm having for lunch: Fried rice (so Asian)

PS: I love you Dave!

Thursday, May 08, 2008

A New Post

Ok, ok, so I'm a bad blogger and a liar. I said I was going to post a blog yesterday and well destiny took it's course and well, it's course veered off into the other direction, the no blog today direction - a little north of south south west. Anyhow, what I wanted to say yesterday was HAPPY BIRTHDAY to my good friend Bob (*snicker* what an Asian name).

Speaking of birthdays it's mine on Sunday, so that's uhhhh three days time? I don't know my maths sort of died after high school same with my englush skylls. Well it's the first birthday/christmas/celebration, that I've really looked forward to in a long time, and I don't know why. I think it has something to do with it being the first time I've had a girlfriend, AND! the first time that girlfriend has gotten me a gift. It's really exciting - again with more gusto!- IT'S REALLY EXCITING!!! WOOOO.

In other news, something about clocks and t.v. and how everything will run backwards when we roll over into the year 3432.... or so I say. Prove my theory wrong.... I dare you. It also seems that I have a strange obsession with .... which is weird but I love having pauses and places to breathe. I could just use a comma I suppose but there is something magical about pushing the full stop button four times.... mmm it's almost orgasmic.

With that I'm going to errr bed.... yes let's call it that....
Random Wii Game: Killer 7

P.S. It was a trap! Killer 7 was a Game Cube game.
P.S.S. I've just hit an all time low haven't I?

Tuesday, May 06, 2008

It's Age of Aquarious!

It feels like an era since I've posted. Kinda got lost in a world of computer games and assignmenting. Before you judge by computer games I mean Super Smash Brothers Brawl and Grand Theft Auto 4. Ok, yeah, I'm still a game geek no matter what games they are. Anyway they are good games and if you haven't got them and can get them. Well, you should be out buying them instead of reading this crummy blog!

Oh great, now that I've said that I've run out of stuff to say, my mind has been poisened by T.V. and computer games. Which made me just think of really weird sentence/quote, here it comes: 'We are all computer game nerds at heart just some of us don't know how to turn a computer on.' Remember that quote for when I'm rich and famous, so you can be all like "Hey, I read that guys blog" and all the girls will be like "Oh my god you're so cool now I'm going to have to have sex with you!" .... You know how it is.

Anyway with that I shall leave on a high note, I should return sooner than the last post, probably tomorrow actually. So have a good night all, and thanks for reading!

Random Phone Number: 1800-CALLME

Tuesday, April 22, 2008

Do You Want Me to Change?

Don't you hate it when you soap the bottom of your feet in the shower and then they become all slippery and you can't walk around with being worried about slipping over.

Or, when you're caught on the train with some overly loud, obnoxious couple who just must include you, a random passenger, in every thing they talk about.

OR, when someone attacks you because of your mannerisms when it's pretty obvious you change them. G'day Mate.

Or, when you realise that your project was due yesterday.

Or, when the train leaves just as you arrive at the station. (Happened to me twice today)

Or, when your dog actually does eat your homework.

Or, when you finish the book and the final words are "To be continued."

Or, when someone asks you "Is this the cleveland line?" just after the announcer calls out "This is the cleveland line."

Looks like I hate alot of things, and I probably do, and you probably do and as long as it's not me I'm fine with that. If it is, sod off you tosser!

Anywhos this is CAPTAIN DAVE signing off
Random four letter word: fast

Thursday, April 17, 2008

I Had a Ball!

Uh huh, it's true. It was on Friday the 11th and we had an after party...but you know I'm not in the story telling mood so here's some photos.
Edit: I don't know why Blogger cuts the photos in half, might have to just click on them to see the full thing.

Ooh, don't I look popular with the guys!

Even with heels I'm so short D:

sen and steph

We had white wine in the limo, although it only tasted like water hmm..

cha ching

And for the food lovers:
...our entre.

Great night for me, depressing night for Dave.
Random thing my dog is doing: Licking his paw

PS: I love you Dave!

Tuesday, April 15, 2008

A great weight has been lifted.

Ever say something that is so awesome that you know you should write it down so someone can quote you in the future? Well it just so happens that I said two of these positively incredulous statements... and then I forgot them. BUT I do have two others that may or may not be as good:
"I wish I had an outer body experience so I can beat myself up."
"I don't know what love is, but I can tell you what it's not... and this is not that."

And there it is 20 years worth of creativity..... what a waste.

If only I had written this sooner, I had lots of funny and interesting things to type about, now all I can think about is my girlfriend Steph and how crazy I am about her, and how lost I would be without her. I depend on her alot, probably even too much, and I don't give her enough credit for that. So I guess what I'm sayin is sorry baby, and although I don't know if I'll be successful, I'm going to try and be a better man from now on. I love you with everything I got.

I'm outtie
Random Thing: Gniht Modnar

Wednesday, April 09, 2008

Sad Face

Horrible news travelers, my faithful companion, and dog, bear, has died. In a freak cat chasing accident, when he chased a cat into my neighbours fridge. There he was trapped, never to see the light of day again..... but wait.

We can rebuild him.

Stronger, faster, hairier.

We have enlisted the help of the worlds most prestigeous scientists to restore this hairball of a dog. Renamed and revamped: The Bear Machine. A sophisticated robotic dog sent back from the future to annoy the hell out of ten lucky people, so prepare yourself for Bearination.

Monday, April 07, 2008

University Project

I'm so embarrassed to say that this is my University project. It's a comic on the theme 'Return to Sender.' I hope you laugh... Not too hard though, I'm going to get marked on this!

Friday, April 04, 2008

And so it begins....

Is it just me or does it seem that it's getting longer and longer between my posts. Anyway, I got a lot of things to cover this time round, so let's make like a banana and split, and by split I mean that I stop talking about over-used cliches`s and get onto what I really want to talk about. So let's hit it:

The new thing, everyone is looking for a new trend, something to spark their dull dim witted existence. Well, look no further for I have found the answer. The answer is: waving or smiling at video/security cameras. I've been making a habit of it recently, giving those poor old security guards something to laugh about. Although, if a murder or something happens I'll probably be the first on their suspect list. Which, although will raise my 'street cred' I doubt it would look very good on my already depleted resume`.

Ok, so for university I'm studying game design and for this one subject, which just so happens to be called interactive writing, we have to draw a comic - 10 slides in length. Even though my hopes to put my writing skills to the ultimate test were eaten, digested, pooped out, and then eaten again, the idea of making a comic still seemed like a pretty cool idea. That was until ten days before this comic was due, when I learnt a very vital piece of information about myself. I can not draw. I mean it's bad enough my handwriting looks like it was done by a 5 year old, but my actual drawing skills are probably more that of a 2 month old baby. I say that only because foetuses don't have access to paper. So yeah count me screwed over in this one...

I'll save the rest for a later date.
Random Lyrical Line: I'm talking swamp sweaty

Friday, March 28, 2008

Little Pieces Over Nothing

Has the whole world gone mental? Seems like no matter what I do these days, everyone is always angry for some reason or another. At the moment it feels as though a stranger could come up to me and bash my nose in all because we share the same hair colour. If that is you, please don't, I like my nose... All the same I've become the lightning rod of anger for a magnitude of people. And to top it all off, MY DOG IS LOOKING WEIRD AT ME!

You know what I hate? (Yeah, I just finished watching Shoot 'em Up)is when food is left in the fridge for a couple of days so you eat it, and then someone says "What I didn't get any" or "That was mine!" Come on guys, it's not as though you're cherishing that food for your wedding day and if you are, well, that's just disgusting. Because, let's face it, no one likes mouldy food on their wedding day, it would just ruin the whole mood set by the pristine white dresses and over priced tuxedos. It would be as if the door man just urinated on everyone as he took their coats.

Anyway, the truth sucks sometimes. I don't see why people can't bury the horrible truth six feet under a filthy patch of lies, with a tombstone that says "Here Lies a Secret." Instead, however, people see it fit to say it anyway. "You're fat," "You're ugly," "I really don't like you," and the list goes on. The worst part is, that if you're a victim of one of these truths, that it stays with you. A ticking time bomb in your subconscious, until that day when you ace three of your tests, get a date to the spring dance, and win the lottery. Then in the middle of shopping for groceries, SURPRISE MOTHERFUCKER! You end up in tears with a 6 pack of 2 minute noodles in your hand. Sure, you can try and blame it on the noodles "Oh! you noodles, just too damn tasty!" But that just tricks everyone, everyone but yourself.

Random Deodorant: Lynx Pulse

Saturday, March 22, 2008

Just a Sack of Potatoes...

First of all, Merry Easter. I hope the Easter bunny leaves you a bounty worthy of kings! A load of eggs that will feed a small village for a year, or two. And, if that happens my number is 1234-4321(not really, plus I don't want you random people calling me).

I don't know what to talk about, usually I have some sort of preconceived idea before I blog but today I got nothing, an absolute blank. Think of an empty blackboard, or a volleyball, empty in the inside. That is before you get to the molecular level anyway, then it's anyones game. So I say, stick with the empty chalk board simile, certainly the better option of the two.

Anywho I still got nothing, except a sexy girlfriend, a good life, and a week off. So be jealous, while I do a mock evil laugh for the next thirty minutes.

By the way, if any of you have garlic bread, GO GET IT NOW! (I'm looking at you!)

Random Pizza Topping: Onion

Tuesday, March 18, 2008

A Tale of Two Daves

Funny: The freedom of the toilet; the pee-stained, faece-smelling toilet. It's amazing the amount of power that is thrust into your hands, once you enter that not-so-sanitary cubicle. Take today for example, there were four sit ins in this one public bathroom. I went into the only one that was free. After a minute or two of reading about how Sally gives good head, it turned out that Sally was actually someone's mum - what a twist! Then I began to make animal noises. Softly at first, like a purr of a cat, but as time went on I became more and more adventurous. From barking like a dog, to screaming like a howler monkey. And you know what? No-one said a word.

That's the least of things you can do! To pass some time, and lose some weight after a not-so-lean beef burger. I began to run on the spot, which after a while turned into jumping jacks, which turned into tai chi. I had possibly the best work out of my life, if it weren't for the guy next to me dropping a load which was probably used as a prototype for the atomic bomb. So little to say, that was the end of my potty pleasures.

Not So Funny: I'm sure you can relate, but right now, for some reason, all the colours of the world have been painted black - not by The Rolling Stones. It's like I've finally realised that I've been living in a dream world. A dream that job that will be impossible to get, a dream girl that lives in Perth. Everything lies across a distant ocean, and how I'm going to get there, well your guess is as good as mine.

The thing is, that I want to be a writer, I want to be a game developer, but what if I'm just not any good at it? These are the thoughts that crept into my subconscious today, despite my army of optimistic beliefs dressed to the teeth in all the best anti-pessimism machine guns my imaginary president John Rudd could buy.

Anyway chin up, I'm sure things will work out in my favour and today is nothing but a slip up. One day I will be successful.... One day.

Randomnessy maximizing: Beer

Friday, March 14, 2008

Short Story: Legacy

Just a forward, I posted this is in a LegacyRO forum contest. I didn't plagiarise, alright hope you enjoy. As always criticism and comments are greatly appreciated.

By David Williams

Written for Stephanie.

The smell was overwhelming, it filled our nostrils. It made us hungry and with every second that passed, our hunger grew and our watery control dripped from our hands. Our pupils were dilated, our hair reached for the sky, our heart was trying to punch its way out of our chest and all the while the hunger grew. Soon it would be time to feed. Soon it would be time to relinquish command to our hunger. And soon it would be time to sink our teeth into our unsuspecting prey and feast upon their soft tainted flesh. Then once again, we would be happy. Though for now we waited, my beast and I.


Opening my eyes I found myself at a desk, looking around I found I recognised this scenery; I was at work. My small lackluster office had little to offer; a desk, a computer, a chair, a clock, a door, and a filing cabinet. The company had put a price on my head, and this was it. My gaze drifted to the clock on the wall. It was only mid afternoon but I didn’t want to work anymore today. The stranglehold of a normal life had gotten to me and I needed to get out of the office. Minutes later, I found myself staring at the clock again, silently willing it forward but to no avail. As expected it was no De Lorean and I spent the next five minutes in a titanic staring competition. I blinked and stood up, “You win this time, friend.” I muttered underneath my breath as I left my desk carrying nothing but a leather briefcase filled with feelings of contempt. It’s OK; my job is entirely redundant. Most days I just sit at my desk all day, clicking away on the computer; pretending to be busy - thank God for solitaire.

Just before the exit I was stopped by Marcus Norman, a fat cat from marketing. He was probably the guy I had given wedgies to in the fifth grade and by the looks of things he hadn’t grown up that much. He was a head shorter than me, but made up for it around the waistline, it was all too easy to imagine him dressed in red and white living in the North Pole with an army of elves to do his bidding. It would have probably suited him better than the black and white attire he was wearing which looked as expensive as his phony grin. Personally, I liked these frauds, these pseudo-humans. They reminded me of myself as they only looked and acted the part but in reality they wore the same costume I did. For people like us, Halloween was a daily occurrence.

“Where do you think you’re off to Jack?” He asked in his peculiar accent which made every vowel sound like it cost him a fortune to pronounce.
“Off to find my Jill, it’s been a while since we went rolling down the mountain.” I retorted, smiling that smile that businessmen so often give, the ‘thanks for your money’ kind of smile. He lapped it up as a dog of society always does.
“Ha ha, always a joker. If you’re not careful someone might confuse that with hostility.” He paused, “did you get that report I emailed you? I need it signed, sealed and delivered by tomorrow afternoon.”
“Aye, aye captain” I gave him a mock salute and continued my pursuit of freedom.

I parked my car across the street this morning, a sparkling red hatchback. I bought it two weeks ago, and couldn’t be happier. This may sound weird but I think I’m in love with it or as close as a man can come to love an inanimate object - yes, I live a very dull and unfulfilled life, or at least pretend to. I try to fit in with these salt-of-the-earth type people who wake up, go to work, go home, sleep and do it all again the next day. I almost feel sorry for them. I actually would feel sorry for them if there weren’t people who were far worse off in life, such as me.

It took fifteen minutes of ducking and weaving through the hectic afternoon traffic before I reached my apartment. It wasn’t big, or even average in size, but it sure was cosy – at least that was the real estate agent’s rhetoric. I made my way inside and with heavy eyelids I stumbled to my bed. I like to sleep; it’s my second favourite activity after eating. I often thought that I make a poor human, but I’d make a great sloth. With that in mind I closed my eyes and let the sandman finish his lullaby.


The silver hair on our back stood up, our broad shoulders were hunched, and our yellow teeth were barred. A woman stood trembling before us; she was cornered. She wept, tears streamed down her face. We took a step forward; the hunger began to take control. She began to pray.
“Oh God…. Oh God, oh God, help me”
We stopped, stunned. That voice, with startling clarity, we recognised the voice, it couldn’t be, there’s no way, it just couldn’t be. We took another step forward. Now we were close enough to see, and as she came into focus my worst fears were confirmed, it was Stephanie.
Even in this light her eyes were as beautiful as the morning sun, everything else was a mess; her usually neat dark hair was covering her face, her cute button chin was quivering uncontrollably, and her lovely rounded cheeks now glistened with teary stains.
“Oh no, OH NO! Run Steph, get out of here now!” I tried to yell but nothing came out. We took another step forward. “Stop it! Stop it NOW!” I screamed, again nothing happened. I turned to run, but something pulled me back and forced me to watch; the hunger had control.


“STEPH!” My eyes sprung open as I gasped for breath. My hand stretched out searching for something distant; something unreachable. A lone tear rolled softly down my cheek leaving an emotional stain where it landed on my pillow. The nightmare was back.
“Stephanie” I whispered her name. I’m stronger now, I could stop myself now. If only I could turn back time.
“DAMMIT!” Tears now running freely down my face, I picked up the pillow and hurtled it across the room. It hit the far wall and exploded in a shower of feathers. She was my everything, now she was nothing more than horrible memory. One that I wish I could lock away in the dark corners of my mind.

I spent the next half hour in a cold shower, hoping to wash away all the dirt, grime, and painful memories. I can only hope that Meat Loaf was right when he sang ‘two out of three ain’t bad.’ Towelling myself off, I took a quick glance at the clock, six o’clock. It was just about time for the monster to return and for me to plead him not to.

The minutes silently rushed by as I sat there waiting for my fate to throw me back into the corporate box in my head. From there I would watch helplessly as a violent horror show unfolded in front of my eyes. I sat on the edge of my bed hoping that I could remain in control and for brief moment, I thought it was working. But then, without warning it hit, it always does, it felt as though someone had crept up behind me and punched me in the kidneys. I fell to the ground my hands clutching at my stomach, trying to breathe with my lungs on fire, I was hardly succeeding. The pain was excruciating.

Throughout it all my senses became increasingly heightened, subtly at first but after a while I could taste the air as it drifted in and out of my mouth, I could feel the hair – which was now growing rapidly from every orifice – rustling against the carpet as I writhed painfully around, though above all of that I smelt it, the distinct smell of human flesh.

In agony I flopped about like a fish out of water. I waited, and I prayed for the pain to diminish - it might have worked had I believed in some sort of higher being. What must have taken seconds felt like an eternity and I was reaching my limit, the suffering was becoming too much for me to bear. Then, as suddenly as it started, it stopped. Relief at last, except I was no longer the man I was an hour ago. I wasn’t in control anymore. My beast was and, more so, he was hungry.


My other self pressed his nose against the ground, he took his time sniffing and snorting, patiently waiting to pick up just the right scent to begin his hunt and I was forced to watch. Moments later he was off, running down the street at speeds unthinkable to man, or even the average wolf; he was something else entirely. He stuck to the back alleys to avoid detection; a master of his craft. He was clever, calm, and in control. I, on the other hand, was given time out to sit in the corner and think about what I had done. I’d let the monster out of its cage and for that someone would pay the ultimate price. It seemed only fair that I spent the time twiddling my thumbs. What else could I do? Resistance was useless.

His pace dropped off and his sprint turned into a prowl, we must have been close to his target. He crept forward silently, melding into the shadows. From above, the moon looked on but the alley was dark and even it couldn’t see us; nobody could. It wasn’t long before tonight’s meal came into sight. A woman, young and beautiful, stood under the street lamp talking in a loud, piercing voice on her phone. Her red hair contrasted perfectly with her blue phone, which shone the same colour as her eyes under the moon light.
“Not her” I said and he seemed to understand me. Unwillingly he turned away; he hates it when I deny him. I was stronger now and I couldn’t let him do it, she was too young and still had so much to give. It was not her time.

It didn’t take long for my driver to find his next target, a middle-aged man who looked as though he hadn’t shaved since birth, or showered either. In his hands he carried a bottle of whisky as tenderly as a mother carries a newborn. My wolf paused, and watched, waiting for my appraisal and I gave it. It was his time.


My wolf trailed his prey eagerly from under cover, awaiting an opportunity to strike. He watched the man stumble this way and that, without making any real headway. He stopped, looked around and took one last drink from his bottle before heading into the nearest alley.
“Honey, I’m home” He mumbled as he slumped down against the wall. I’m sure if he knew those were to be his last words he would have said something a little more poetic. My wolf cares not about such humanistic things. It’s truly nothing more than a beast I thought as I watched my caretaker mercilessly rip apart this man, one bloody chunk of flesh at a time.

I soon became lost within a torturous world of blood and violence. I felt my face contort in ways unthinkable and I’m sure it would have looked something like Edvard Munch’s ‘The Scream.

BANG! A gunshot, just what I needed to snap out of my daze. I turned to look, it was a police officer. He was young, his knees were shaking, and his lips were a quiver. Slowly, the beast turned to look. The predator’s eyes lit up, this was his lucky night. A mixture of blood and saliva seeped from the evil Cheshire grin that reaches into one’s soul and calls it out for supper.
“W-W-What the” The boy stammered as fear’s icy tentacles slowly wrapped around his scrawny figure; he was paralysed. I cringed, this boy was far too young and this gruesome scene was enough to permanently taint his innocent eyes. That was punishment enough.

“Let’s go!” I yelled, and he obeyed – I am much stronger. With a blood-curdling howl the wolf turned and bounded away quickly vanishing into the night. Behind us the boy fell to his knees, tears falling uncontrollably to the ground. A strangled scream filled the night as we headed for home.


I opened my eyes and was greeted by a familiar ceiling. Raising my arm I examined my hand; five fingers, I was human again. Had it all been just a dream? I laughed at the thought, it had happened too many times before for it to be a dream. I felt a twinge of regret, a man had died and here I was laughing, something was wrong with me, well, something else was wrong with me. I saved two lives last night, at the cost of one. I wish I could think that I am a hero but in truth I am about as much of a hero as a dirty cop. A true hero only sacrifices themselves, while I only sacrifice others. I had to do, what I had to do. A tenant has to pay their rent, the sun has to rise, and we have to kill people. In my position, a true hero would probably opt for death, I would too if it weren’t for this damn survival instinct. Sometimes it sucks to be human.

I put on my daily fa├žade and prepared myself for work, another arduous day of pretending to be like the rest of the word. To them I was just another bird, hidden within the flock, gliding upon the jet stream of fate. As for me, I didn’t know what I was, an actor by day and a murderer by night. It was a tough life to maintain, however, it made the joyless exercise of work almost soothing, and while others loathed the fact that they spend their lives trapped within the walls of their cubicle I slipped into my refuge like it was a comfortable pair of slippers.

It wasn’t until lunch that I really had time to think about the night before; the hunt, the kill, the exhilarating near death experience. If that boy had shown a steadier hand I might not have been sitting here. What if he had killed me? Who would mourn the stain on the earth I called a life? I’m sure if people knew my truth they would throw a party at my funeral and dance on my grave. It would be a regular Mardi Gras where women would throw beads at men from their windows, and the men would catch them and everybody would laugh and sing all through the night. No one would cry, not even a single tear and I would disappear, forgotten, like dust in the wind.

Days turned into weeks which in turn became months, and still those questions plagued my mind. I didn’t want to be forgotten and the more I thought about it, the more I wanted someone, anyone, to know the truth about me, and what I had become. So that became my obsession, to find someone to share the experience with and then doom them for the rest of their lives. It began to sound like a marriage.


Three months had come and gone, people had been born, people had died but all that remains of these events are the memories left behind. In that time, however, I had become resolute on finding a successor. For the most part nobody wants to be forgotten; just the thought of being forgotten filled me with more fear than the prospect of death ever had. And so, with that in mind, I have spent the last three months researching, making sure that I have found the right person. The right person being someone who is young, empty, and willing to control this curse.

Trying to find the cheese at the end of the maze isn’t easy when every dead end is corrupted by hate and loathing for mankind. I may be a monster for what I do but I’m now a controlled monster. Ever since the death of my love, Stephanie, my beast’s victims are naught but the dregs of society. They are blips on radar earth, and as harsh as it is to say, no one will miss them. The last thing I wanted was another wolf running around killing without judgement where mothers, lovers, and children; no one would be spared. I have enough guilt on my plate already. I narrowed my search to those who were now contributing to society. I picked a short list of the most appropriate candidates; a secondary school teacher, a construction worker, and an accountant.

After a brief meeting with both the construction worker and the accountant I found them both to be unusable. The accountant had moved on from his juvenile misdemeanours to more serious crimes, and the construction worker seemed to, despite very incriminating DNA evidence, honestly believed that he was framed for the double murder of his parents – it must help him sleep at night. All that was left was the teacher, beaten as a child by an abusive father, he somehow rose above it all to win “Teacher of the Year” two years in a row. I was impressed.


I opened the door. A young bearded man sat alone on an island surrounded by a sea of students, all hypnotized by the words pouring from his mouth. He didn’t even look up, or stop reading, when I entered, or even when I took a seat.
“… and so he hunted the werewolf, day and night, but the monster didn’t want to be found. Sam kept on searching, until one day he stumbled upon the monster’s lair. The monster looked at him and cried. It was then that Sam realised that the werewolf was just sad because he was alone.
“Bite me, make me a werewolf too” Sam said, and the wolf obeyed. Sam left the lair that night, and didn’t return for two weeks. When he came back he was no longer a man, but a wolf.” The unsuspecting teacher paused and closed the book, “and with that it’s lunch time.” As if by design, the bell rang. The kids gathered their belongings and meandered out of the room.

I had to chuckle to myself – oh, the bitter sweet irony. He waited until the last child had left before acknowledging my presence.
“What can I do for you?” He asked
“Sorry to bother you, but I’m Jack Lycan; I work with the local newspaper. We are running a small section on local teachers, and well, I drew your name out of my hat. Interesting subject matter, I might add.” I lied.
“Yes, I suppose it is. I like to teach the kids things that others wouldn’t, it makes learning slightly more interesting. Plus, whether they believe it or not is their choice, I think they enjoy having that power.”
“An interesting philosophy, so what’s your story? How did you become a teacher?”
“Well,” he hesitated a second, “I’d like to leave my past in the past. I just like kids, I doubt I could have any of my own so to me teaching is the next best thing.”
I nodded understandingly, pretending to care, while deep down I was thinking what an incredible “catch” this guy would be, for my beast and I. The conversation continued for a while and every time he opened his mouth he convinced me even more that he was the one I was looking for.
“Thanks for your time, Mr Wulf”


The moon smiled down upon the sullen earth and my wolf smiled back. Tonight would be the night where my secret would come out of hiding for one lucky person. The cursed lottery had chosen his name, Roberto Wulf, and tonight as my chaperone sped towards his house, I intended to give him his prize; a life not worth living. I anxiously waited for the moment where I could openly tell him my story and set myself free. The silence has been a burden that I’ve had to bear for too long. My wolf took a sharp left, and there it was a thorn within a bed of roses – an exceptionally ordinary house in this obviously opulent neighbourhood.

Although I was excited, to my beast this was just another hunt, only this time I openly cheered him on from the background. He took his time with all the necessary precautions, staying out of sight, looking for a way in. During the second lap of the house, he spied an unlocked window. Despite being a wolf, he managed to push it open with ease and he slipped gracefully inside without making a sound. He dashed behind a table, and laid there contemplating his next move. The shadows were few and far between and his silver fur didn’t blend with the superfluous coloured wallpaper. I could see he was uncomfortable – things were different this time we didn’t usually do personal visits. A shrewd silence fell, broken occasionally by the soft padded prowl of an assassin and a loud overexerted grunt from an unsuspecting victim.

This noise intrigued my wolf, as it did me. We crept towards it; through the kitchen, past the sofa, and finally up the stairs. We were heading toward the bedroom; a bad feeling began to brew in my stomach. I would hate to do this in front of company; that would be rude. But tonight, nothing was going to stop me. Seeing the door slightly ajar we inched forward and with each step forward the grunts became louder. We were so close now; the lingering smell of sweat filled the air. Forms came into focus from the other side of the crack. Recognisable Roberto was lying on his side, his back facing the door, and with one hand he was stroking something in front of him.

“I’m going to wash my face. Do you want anything while I’m up?” It was Mr Wulf’s voice, calm and casual. No reply. He chuckled as he disappeared from view. Now was our chance, three months of preparation, all leading to this moment. My wolf nudged the door open and sprang in. We were ready for everything, everything but this.


My night was ruined. On the bed, a boy laid in a puddle of his own tears; bound, gagged, and naked. I recognised him from the class this afternoon. My wolf took no notice but I did. This man was meant to be my saviour, my light at the end of a tunnel, but this would not suffice. He didn’t deserve a life of torture; he didn’t deserve a life at all. Justice would come on swift wings to avenge this disappointment. However, it would not be served with a badge or a gun but with the sharpened teeth of a beast without morals. So I uttered those words no human should utter.
“Kill him”

My partner in crime listened to my words and obliged. Crouching below the bedside, he waited and watched. Seconds ticked by, each with the weight of an hour. While my wolf was calm, I hungered for blood; his blood. How much longer would we have to wait? How many more breaths would this scum take? Footsteps could be heard coming from beyond the doorway, at last. One second, two seconds, I counted as my wolf jumped onto the bed and pounced in a flash of fur and yellow teeth. Roberto was caught by surprise, fangs sunk deep into his throat. Surprise turned to acceptance as he looked into the eyes of the beast and smiled. It was as if he could see through the costume. “Jack, a word is nothing more than a string of letters.” He whispered, his eyes closed for the last time.

He knew it was me? How? Why did he tell me that? The answers to these questions died that night; the same time as Mr Wulf’s black heart stopped beating. It was not my wolf who did this but something more sinister; me. I had killed my successor and doomed myself to a life of eternal loneliness, for an innocent boy? Was it really worth it? I wasn’t sure but it felt as though I had lost something – a vital piece of my life had been ripped from my hands and brutally murdered.

Tears cascaded down my ethereal cheeks as I looked on and made sure my predator finished his work. Terrible thoughts stampeded through my head. That was, until I heard it, the muffled cries of a hallowed soul. My tears were slowly replaced with a guilty smile as it crawled across my lips. I couldn’t, could I? This boy’s life had already been ruined tonight; once by a man, and once by a wolf. And now, it was my turn.


With one last look at his face we left him tied to the bed with a gaping wound in his leg and disappeared into the velvet night. I wasn’t too sure of the process of turning man into beast but if it worked he would be free by tomorrow night, if it didn’t he would probably die. It made me feel bad for him, if only for a little while.

The next morning I returned to work apprehensive about the results from the previous night’s experiment. I wondered about how the next few days would pan out, and whether or not I should return to the scene of the crime. It seemed like an endless game of mental ping pong. The game continued in my head for three days after which I surrendered myself to my anxiety and returned. A criminal always returns to the scene and my crime was unleashing another monster onto this world.

I entered the house, the putrid stench of a rotting cadaver hit me like a runaway train, only this fetor wouldn’t kill me – I only hoped that it would. I scoured the room; there were no signs of life. With the exception of a set of frayed ropes the bed was empty and the only remnants of our dearly beloved teacher, was a blood-soaked stain where I had left him. He must have transformed, it was the only way he could have escaped. To think it was that easy to turn him into a monster; humans really are fragile creatures. I paused for a second to wonder where he went. I didn’t know whether it was the foul odor, or that I hadn’t had a good night sleep in at least a week but I needed to get out of there, I just couldn’t think straight.

I returned home later that night and there on my doorstep was my masterpiece, my David. A naked boy, his mouth caked in blood. I smiled; I don’t know how he found me but it didn’t matter because there he was; my legacy.

Something about Nothing

I don't know why, but the whole getting smashed in the face, and the bad guy gets a get out of judiciary free card, is really getting to me. It's been on my mind everyday and I haven't been able to have a good night sleep since. I had no idea that it would have such an effect on me.

Anyway I sort of don't have anything good to write, I'm too depressed. I'll post the final draft of my story.
Random Limb: Legs

Tuesday, March 11, 2008

Ups & Downs

Today marks 8 months that I've been with Stephanie, who might just be the best girl in the world (sucks for those who arn't me). So, in the spirit of the occasion, here is a little something:

Today, however, also marks the day that I'm quitting baseball. After 15 years of playing, shame, and it's all because of Martin Jones, number 33 from Narangba. If you don't remember he is the faggot who fractured my nose. Anyway, after 4months of sitting on their asses the judiciary, the baseball legal committee or whatever you want to call them, let him off the hook without even a slap on the wrist. They said it wasn't on purpose, but how do you fracture someone's nose by accident? In baseball? I mean a fucking two year old kid would be a better sherlock holmes than this judiciary council.

So, as it stands, I had a month of pain in which I couldn't play and with me not pitching my team failed to make the finals. While on the other hand the assailent gets nothing, AND his team took our final spot. Where is the fucking justice in that? Congratulations BQI you piece of shit motherfuckers, you've done no justice to the game, or the players, this is a fucking disgrace. So let me congratulate you on losing a player, you cock suckers.

"I going to bite off your head and shit down your throat" Dave signing off.
Random: ughhhhhh

Saturday, March 08, 2008

Go The Queensland Deads

Tonight I went to the QR QR (Queensland Rails Queensland Reds) game. Only to be dissapointed, once more, by a shocking defeat. I don't blame them, it's not their fault that the cheerleaders (which there are no actual cheerleaders) use the ultimate fear generating tool; the timpani. Who ever thought that an orchestral score would make an oppositions knees shake, should be shot.

Next is the mascot is a koala, mind a bad ass koala which by the looks wants to eat your intestines, alas we don't even have a mascot. It's more like the reds symbol. I mean why can't we get a friggen mascot, you know why? They spent all their friggen money on a conducter for the orchestral music. YOU DICK WADS! Let me put this is perspective, the Waratahs, NSW Team, had a guy dressed as their mascot, Tahman, repel from the roof of the stadium and land in the middle of the field. What do we get? Some 12 year old kids banging on some drums. Go team.

Angry Dave Outtie
Random Adjective: Smelly

Tuesday, March 04, 2008

Happy Belated Valentines!

Well, actually, Belated Valentines Day was yesterday. So keeping with the tradition of being late, let's celebrate today. Wooo! Okay that was fun.

Anyway, I doubt you guys are interested but I put my final touches on a that short story today, and when I say final I mean there's plenty more to add but I'm just being lazy. I'll probably post it up over the weekend.

Writing it has made me realise how much I do enjoy writing, and how I should be starting to make a portfolio of work, or anthology. Which I think will be my goal for this year. I'm thinking of doing a series on this werewolf guy. Just because he is so quirky and I love him to death. (Horrible way to die I know.)

Anyway crappy blog, hate me.
Random Stuffed Animal: Alvin

Friday, February 29, 2008

The Uni Guide: Part 2

Let's continue about the nerds...

The Morbidly Obese Nerds: These guys are your typical nerds, with the exception that they take up two seats instead of one, and smell like a... something that smells like a garbage bin or something. Especially in this weather, they generate such a potent flavour that I'm surprised they don't use the mixture in horse tranquilizers. I kid of course, fat people are okay in my books (considering that it's like 49% of Australia, I better not aggravate everyone.... yet).

Tom Boy Nerds: Girls who dress like boys. I first got this feeling when I was watching a Michael Jackson film clip, little did I know that MJ was guy at the time. Anyway these girls have serious gender issues, they really can't tell if they have boobs or just really pectoral muscles - that sag. Anyway these guys scare me, and I try to avoid them at any cost.

Hope you're keeping up to date with this information.
Random German Food: Braughtworst!

Wednesday, February 27, 2008

Return of the Mole

Today was my second day of university, and I realised again how much I hate the majority of people in my class. As much as I hate to label people, here it is:

The Guide To Students in My Class
This isn't to say I'm not a nerd, just that I try to hide it and for the most part am highly successful. No, you don't need to point out the irony of me having a blog... Anywho:

Day 1:

I Meant To Do Communication Design: This goes mainly for the girls, though a few - a rare few, in our class, but for some reason I believe we have a sign that says "You must be this unattractive to enter this course." And believe me, they fill the requirements. However, there are some lookers and it just makes you think that half their brain got shunted into their lady lumps, and they accidently selected the wrong course.

I Just Leveled My Conversation Skills by Talking to You: These are the guys who decide life is better lived in front of a computer, so much so that they decided to create their own language filled with pointless acronyms and non-sensical words. We could only wish that they'd leave that sort of language for their e-boyfriends. However, wishes are only granted in fairy tales, so we are stuck with people shouting "LOL" or "BRB"

Random Arch nemesis: The Mole Man Alex!

Monday, February 25, 2008


Wow so I've stopped being funny for a while.

Sorry the last few weeks have been kind of rough. I tell you long distance relationships are hard, and if me and Steph weren't absolutely head over heels in love with each other. We would definitely have not stayed together for as long as we have. So yeah, the last couple of weeks have been emotionally rough on both of us.

In other news, I just haven't had enough ammunition to tear someone a new asshole. Sure I could go on about my douchebag of a brother, or some random guy who looked at me on the subway. BUT WHERE IS THE MEAT! I want to chomp down on some juicy hate filled T-Bone steak!

Lastly, sorta out of the whole subject matter of this blog but I've almost finished my werewolf story yipee. I'm actually submitting that into a competition, so that's rather exciting.

Random lecturer: Kavoos

P.S. Speaking of Kavoos he has one bad ass comb over! Go you good thing!
P.P.S. Both this and my last blog were posted at 11:46pm... freaky huh. THERE IS A GHOST BEHIND YOU! Aww you missed it.

Wednesday, February 20, 2008

What is love?

Alright,if anyone knows exactly how this thing called "love" works please tell me now, because I for one have decided I'm completely hopeless when it comes to this matter. Today I was upset, angry, at Steph, and to my knowledge she was feeling the same way. So I decided I'd give her a gobful and called her on my mobile. Talk about you're ultimate plan backfiring, as soon as she said 'hello' I was disarmed like an adult taking away a childs slingshot.

People are so different over say the internet, then they are in real life. It's so much easier to get upset, for one. That's what I've got to realise, I'm not the same person you talk to on MSN. I'm actually better in real life, stronger in real life.

Things have been difficult over the past couple of days tonight. Though like the song suggests, I see clearly now the rain is gone. Although I still have to get used to the fact that Steph does love me, and that I make her happy. It's hard for me, but I think I'm getting better at believing it.

Random Lie: "We get sea milk from sea cows!"

What a cutie!

Dave talking about the television show Numbers:

Dubsy says:
it's like "omg a crime has happened"
"the answer is this incredibly long and arduous algorithm "
"I don't understand"
"-insert simile-"
"Oh you're right"
*catches bad guy*
"Yay numbers"

Whee, microblog.
Random plot from Numbers: Two hookers get plastic surgery to look like twins (maybe to increase sales?), one ends up dead. Dun dun duunnn

Tuesday, February 19, 2008

Gotta Love Publicity

Mistakes can be forgiven, can they not?

Gotta love it when my boyfriend runs away from every little thing... without a chance for explanations. Then those feelings stay with him for the whole day. Yay, emotions.

Many movie plots arise around misunderstandings or important information being dismissed. But eventually the truth gets out and there's he happy ending. I wish life were like a movie sometimes. In life these misunderstandings are often not noted until its too late, until people have moved on to a point where it wouldn't fill that hole in which time has degraded. From my experience such epiphanies always happen after a long period of time. Since I'm still so young and have matured a lot over the past few years I now see things differently, I see them from an outsider's perspective and think, I really wish I had done things differently. But hey, that's life. I'm a different person now, so why dwell on those past mistakes. Perhaps its good to analyse them though, to know exactly what went wrong and why; to learn from them. Occasionally I look back and realise how happy I was before certain things happened, and I really really miss those people for that sole reason. I am a person capable of forgiving people. Unfortunately Dave doesn't understand this and thinks its jeopardising our relationship. What's wrong with rekindling old relationships? This isn't our current kafuffle though. Do I really know what's right and what's wrong? D:

I'm pretty sure none of that made sense..or if I've quite covered the points I wanted to discuss, sorry.
Trying to make up with Dave at the moment. Failing miserably.

Random character in Dave's story: Steph- the girl who he kills >;o

More Story

Got to love it when your girlfriend blocks you so she can play computer games. Anyway here is more story:

It took fifteen minutes of ducking and weaving through the hectic city traffic until I reached my apartment. It wasn’t big, or even average in size, but it sure was cosy – well, that’s what the real estate agent said. I made my way inside and stumbled into bed. I like to sleep; it’s my second favourite activity after eating. I’d make a good sloth.


The hair on our back stood up, our shoulders were hunched, and our teeth were barred. A woman stood in front of us, she was trapped in a corner. She wept as tears steamed down her face, ruining her makeup. We took a step forward; the hunger began to take control. She began to pray.
“Oh god…. Oh god, oh god, help me”
That voice, I knew that voice, though it couldn’t be, it just couldn’t be. We took another step forward. Now we were close enough to see and I was right, it was Stephanie.
“Run Steph, get out of here now!” I tried to yell but nothing came out. We took another step forward. “Stop it! Stop it NOW!” I screamed, again to no avail. I turned to run, but something pulled me back and forced me to watch; the hunger had control.


My eyes sprung open as I gasped for breath. My hand was stretched out searching for something; something unreachable. The nightmare was back. A cold sweat swept down my spine as a lone tear rolled gently down my cheek. It left a wet emotional stain on my pillow as it fell.
“Stephanie” I whispered her name. If only I could turn back time. I’m stronger now, I could have stopped myself.
“DAMMIT!” Tears now running freely down my face, I picked up the pillow and hurtled it across the room. It hit the far wall and exploded in a shower of feathers. She was my everything. Now she was nothing more than horrible memory, one that I wish I could lock away in the dark corners of my mind.

I spent the next half an hour in the shower, hoping to wash away all the dirt, grime, and painful memories. Meat Loaf was right when he sung two out of three ain’t bad. Towelling myself off, I took a quick glance at the clock, six o’clock, just about time for the monster to return, just about time for me to plead him not too.

The minutes rushed by silently as I sat there waiting for my horrid fate to throw me into the corporate box in my head. From there I could only watch helplessly as a violent horror show unfolded in front of my eyes. Suddenly it hit without warning, it always does, like someone crept up behind me and punching my kidneys. I fell to the ground holding my stomach, trying to breathe but hardly succeeding. The pain was excruciating. Through it all my senses became heightened, I could taste the air as it drifted in and out of my mouth, I could hear the hair – which was now growing quite rapidly from my every orifice – rustling against the carpet as I rolled around trying to ease the pain, though above all of that I could smell it, I could smell human flesh.

I flailed around on the ground waiting, praying, for the pain to diminish. It must of took only seconds but felt like an eternity. Then as suddenly as it started, it stopped. I was no longer the man I was an hour ago, I wasn’t in control anymore. The wolf was and, more so, he was hungry.

My former self pressed his nose against the ground. He looked to pick up just the right scent to begin his hunt and I was forced to watch. Seconds later he was off, running down the street at speeds unthinkable to man, or even the average wolf; he was something else entirely. Sticking to the back alleys as to avoid detection, he was a professional in his craft. I, on the other hand, was given a time out to sit in the corner and thought about what I’ve done. I’d let the monster out of its cage and tonight someone would pay the ultimate price. It seemed only fair that I spent the time twiddling my thumbs.

His pace slowed, his sprint turned into a prowl, we must have been close to his target. He prowled in silence, melding to the shadows. The moon looked on but the alley was dark and it couldn’t see; nobody could. It wasn’t long before his target came into sight. A woman, young and beautiful, stood under the street lamp talking obnoxiously on her phone. Her red hair contrasted perfectly with her blue phone, which shone the same colour as her eyes under the moon light glow.
“Not her”
He seemed to understand me. Unwilling he turned away, he hates it when I deny him of a meal. Though I couldn’t do it she was too young and still had too much to give. It’s times like these I feel like I’m a hero.

Random Food I've Cooked Lately: Peanut Butter Balls